It has been exactly 1 month since my father died. You would think that the pain would ease up, but it doesn't. I miss my dad terribly and I absolutely hate this whole ordeal. When I look around and see all the sadness in the world and I know that I am not the only one that feels like this, it makes me feel worse. I hate to feel like this, but I also feel sorry for everyone else that is struggling in this hard world. I know there is a lot of good in the world, but I definitely feel like I am stuck in a moment.I used to have the song by U2 "Stuck in a Moment" as the ringtone for my cell phone. I loved it when my phone rang and I would hear.......
I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company
I never thought you were a fool
But darling look at you
You gotta stand up straight
Carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere baby
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
I will always miss my dad and I will always feel the sorrow but I can definitely work on my attitude a bit and get myself together even though I am stuck in a moment.
1 comment:
Looking at those pictures makes it seem so hard to believe that he had only 5 days left. Still unbelievable. I still cant believe hearing that it was Cancer as Amy, me & Dad listened to the ER doctor that early morning of Friday the 13th. Dad leaned over to me with a small smile and said "Aren't you glad we came!"
Today I sit on my front porch waiting for you to come around the corner like you used to. I wish we could have just one more conversation. You were a hugely significant part of my life just to feel sane at times. You taught me so much, especially with Carson in these past 4 years. You were my example in so many ways. It just didn't seem right to have you leave right now. It's a bummer! (I know you hate that word!)But it's true.
I love you dad, I hate not hearing your voice. I hate it more than you could ever have imagined.
Rachel
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